i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
