don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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