just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
