Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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