I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
