Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
