Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just threw up on my dentist
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
