i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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