I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
