just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
