you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
