I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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