I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
