Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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