Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
