Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And then my night got REAL pukey
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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