so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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