Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
