dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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