if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Randomize
