Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
