Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
