Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
