Don't you send me to vm
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
