every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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