What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
