I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
