Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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