Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
