Can i not drive my cunt home
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think I just sharted jello shots
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
