The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
