how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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