1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
