wakey wakey hands off snakey
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
