So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize