I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I am midnight drunk by noon
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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