I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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