wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
