dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
