who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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