ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
