i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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