Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
