I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Randomize
