Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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