morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
