I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
