I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
