saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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