We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
