Can Purell be used as lube?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
